C&O Canal 100 Miler - First DNF

Well, this obviously isn't the race report that I was hoping to write, but alas, things happen. On April 28th, I quit my first race. Ever. In (off and on) 15 years of running, I've never quit a race. Mind you, for most of my time running, I've run 5ks, only getting into major distances in the last 6 years. Still, it really broke my heart to join the DNF club, but I'm not the first, last, or most awesome one to join that club.

My training for this race felt good, but the more I look back, of course, I question it. I was running more miles per week than my last training cycle, but I never ran more than 31 miles at one time. In my last training, I did a 12 hour race, running 60 miles in that time. That's incredible endurance training for a 100 miler. This year, I focused on more weekly miles, but never ran more than 7 hours at a time before this 100. I think this was a detriment to my training, but sometimes it's hard to run more when you feel like you are running during all of your free time.

I also don't think I mentally prepared for this race as I should have. In my last 100 attempt, I mentally prepared for the pain & the exhaustion and told myself that no matter what, even if I had to crawl, I would cross the finish line. This time around, I felt almost too relaxed. While I was nervous the weeks leading up to it, I kept trying to relax and brush it off, so I didn't end up mentally preparing. I was too nonchalant and it really bit me in the rear.

My mom and me right before the start

On April 27th, my mom drove me to Knoxville, MD, the start location of the race. The course was (supposed to be) a 50.4 mile loop along the C&O Canal that, minus the beginning and end of the loop, was pancake flat with nearly no turns. Living in Philly, I felt I was well-suited for a flat course and it would allow for a (hopefully) faster 100 than my last. I knew flatness is deceivingly hard as you use the same muscles over and over in the same fashion, but I hoped I could handle it.

At 7 am, after words and a short prayer from the race director, we started the race. We went down the only hill of the course, which was actually quite steep and slippery. My friend, Jon, was racing this course with his running friend, Justus, so the three of us stuck together. Jon, sadly, was sick, so his breathing was really off from the beginning. Justus had a 10/2 run/walk system and I enjoyed being with them for the company and the reminder to walk. I did notice that they were running a bit faster than I planned, but the idea of running alone wasn't fun sounding, so I stuck with them.

My mom and me at the ~20 mile mark (Photo by Jim Roche)

The course was really pretty, but I could tell I was going to be bored pretty easily. Also, by the time we got to the first aid station, we knew the course would be long. In the end, the race was 105 miles instead of 101.4, which was really frustrating later on in the race.

I saw my mom at the ~20 mile aid station, which was so great. I ate some food, applied sunscreen and bug spray (so many gnats!), and headed out to the (what actually was) 31 mile mark, which was a turnaround. I almost ran out of water before I got there and the aid station between 20 and 31 wasn't set up by the time we passed it. It was getting warm and I just wasn't in happy place.

After finally hitting mile ~31, refueling and getting some water in my hydration pack, we turned around and headed back from the ~40 mile aid station (same as 20). After what felt like forever, I got there to find my mom, boyfriend, and cousin there. My feet were getting too swollen for the shoes I was wearing, so I switched into my compression socks, trail shoes, got some more food in me, then hit the trail.

At ~20 mile mark (Photo by Jim Roche)

Jon was really feeling tired and rough, but I felt a surge of energy after seeing my family and BF. I kept pushing while Justus and Jon took a walk break at one point and I ended up doing the last 11 or so miles of the loop alone. My awesome feelings wore off quite quickly, especially when I realized at about mile 45 that I was out of water with 5-6 miles to go to the next aid station. Yikes. Rookie mistake.

I finally climbed up the insane hill to the start/finish area (it had a rope at one point to help runners climb up) to complete my first loop. I was dejected, exhausted, and cranky. I met up with my mom, boyfriend, and two friends who were my planned pacers, Brian and Annie. Brian was to take take me from miles ~51-73 and Annie was to take me 73-93ish. After changing my shirt, getting in some more food, and refilling my hydration pack, Brian and I headed back for loop #2.

At ~41.5 (Photo by Jim Roche)

The miles I spent with Brian were so odd. I love him to bits and it was so great to spend time with him, catching up, laughing, and running. The first half of our ~20 mile run together, I was in a cheery mood, boosted up by the fact that we were running together, but I was taking a lot of walk breaks and running slower. The second half, I was in the worst mood ever and was running faster. How that happened, I still don't know.

Those last 10 miles were really tough. Once the sun set, it got really dark. There was a full moon, but fog prevented any moonshine from hitting the course. Along the flat, straight course, with Brian's headlamp on, it felt like we were just running through a tunnel that never ended. We could only see about 5 feet ahead of us, with everything else around us being pitch black. I was so rotten to be around, I don't know how Brian stuck with me. My feet were in agony, so I was left to just shuffle. When I'd try to do the math of how many miles I had left until the next aid station, I couldn't because the course was off in distance. I was beyond angry about it, but I was so happy to finally get to the aid stations.

I was quite clearly HATING going up the hill at the halfway point (photo by Hai Nguyen)

When we got to the ~73 mile mark, I saw my mom and burst into tears. I knew in my head I was done, but was so overwhelmed with anger, sadness, frustration, and agony. I sat down in a chair, shivering from the chillier than predicted temperature, tried to get some food down, and just sat crying knowing I was done. Some volunteers tried to help cheer me up, but my mother quickly told them I wouldn't be guilted into finishing an optional race if I wasn't wanting to. One amazing Marathon Maniac, Jim, came to help us other Maniacs, and he kept running to get me more food and got me to eat sugary things. The BF kept rubbing my shoulder in support and my mom kept telling me that whatever I wanted to do was fine, that running 73 miles was something to be so proud of.

About to start the second lap. I fake being happy quite well.

After about 10 minutes, I slowly got up, told the head volunteer at the aid station that I was DNFing, sat in my mom's car as the BF, my mom, and Annie put all of my gear in the car, and just bawled. I couldn't believe that I was quitting a race. It felt so surreal, but I knew I had literally nothing left of me to give. I couldn't fathom the idea of continuing 10 more miles down the dark tunnel of the course, just to turn around and run another 20 to the finish.

Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes including starting off too fast, not mentally preparing, and not training long enough for my long runs. I had no clue that's how the night time would be as my last 100 miler occurred in NYC, where even the darkest places were bright and I constantly had distractions. Would I run this course again? Nope. The volunteers were amazing and while I appreciated the course for the first 20 or so miles, the straight, flat course wasn't enjoyable.

The BF, Brian, myself, and Annie. I have awesome friends. 

One thing stuck out to me when I was quitting: this is supposed to be fun. No, not every single moment of a race is great, but overall, I should be getting something positive from the experience. I wasn't, so I quit. I felt bad that my friend, Annie, came down from Philly to pace me and I quit before she could. I feel bad that my mom and boyfriend came out to see me not finish, but in the end, I think I did the right thing.

Sorry this is such a bummer of a race report, but alas, this was a bummer of a race. I'm excited for the rest of my races this year (20in24, Richmond Marathon, Philly Marathon, to name a few) to redeem myself and remind myself that even with this DNF, I've still got some good races in me.

Life Recently

I have a handful of half-written blog posts, but just haven't finished them up. I'll get to that, but right now, I figured I'd update with what I've been up to.

C&O Canal, where I will be running 100 miles this weekend

• The awful stuff in Boston obviously shook me to my core. I had a ton of friends up there racing and it was so frightening trying to track them all down. I feel more fired up to continue running, but it just shows you how fragile life can be. I can tell you that they messed with the wrong group because runners, especially marathoners, are not people to be trifled with. 
• I'm officially in taper mode for 100 miler. I was hoping to go finish my hard training with a bang, but a chest cold/nasal infection decided that wasn't the real plan. I took a handful of days off and missed my last long run. Can't say it has been easy getting into tapering after missing a major long run, but I think I'll be okay. A girl can hope, at least. With just a few days until the race, I'm pretty much sick to my stomach with nervers constantly. I am getting so pumped to run with my pacers and tackle the 100 mile distance for a second time, but jeeze, 100 miles is long and painful!
• I'm now writing for TrailandUltrarunning.com! I love writing (I know, shocking to hear since this blog hardly is updated) and I am really excited to join the team to write about ultrarunning. My first article recently went live, for those interested (I interviewed the RD of my upcoming 100 miler): Read me!
• I attended the latest Philly Food Swap a few weeks ago. I brought sriracha caramel corn and chocolate macarons with bourbon filling. I always get so nervous that my food won't be what people enjoy, but people really responded positively to my food. The swaps always end up being so awesome and inspiring. 
• John and I ran with the Shake Shack Track & Field club on a few weeks ago and it ruled. We showed up, got free t-shirts, ran with some cool people, then drank beer and ate custard, fries, and burgers. Maybe not the healthiest of events, but we ran, so it's almost even. 

My next update should my my 100 mile race report. Fingers crossed (hell, I'm crossing anything I can!) that I have the fun, inspiring, tough, and enjoyable race that I hope for!

Being a Female Runner

When I am running for hours upon end during my long runs on the weekend, sometimes the oddest things will pop into my brain. Usually things like food, running, friends, family, and/or plans coming up tend to hold most of my brain space, but on my run this past weekend, I had something else come up: being a female runner. Sounds a bit weird, right? It's pretty obvious that I'm a female who runs, so what did I think about for a long time? I thought about my attitude being a female runner and how that's changed.

I will preface this by saying I'm not a super active feminist. Do I hope that women have equal rights to men, have ownership of their bodies, and more? Of course! I just don't happen to make it my #1 cause. I care a lot about other social issues that I feel need more attention and/or I am more passionate about. I know some women will think I'm the worst for that, but that's okay. This is how I feel, hence me writing this on my blog. I promise for less controversial talk in the future.

Me, freshman year of college after a 5k

When I was in high school and early on in college, I cared more about looking like a real runner and didn't particularly dress in a feminine matter. I feared dressing in a feminine way would make me look weaker or less like a tried and true tough runner. I do understand how sexist it is for me to think looking like a girl could make me look weak, but that's how I felt I would be looked upon by people around me. Screwed up? Yes. The truth? Yes.

This didn't necessarily manifest in dressing like a boy, per se, but not choosing the most feminine clothes to run in. I'd avoid pink tank tops and choose to wear a t-shirt instead. When running skirts first became popular, I scoffed at the idea of running in a skirt. Who is that high maintenance that they must wear a skirt and be super girly at all times? I hated the shirts I saw girls wear that said, "I don't sweat, I glisten." No, you sweat. Everyone does.

Things have changed, though. I don't know if it was me being insecure before and gaining confidence or what, but I actually have started to really enjoy dressing feminine while running. I look for cute clothes to run in that make me feel feminine and show off that I'm a lady (I couldn't deal putting down woman. I feel far too immature to be one!). Hell, I've run a marathon in a tutu and one in a dress.

Me before the 2011 Philadelphia Marathon

I started realizing that if I continue to play into what I think other people will think, I will perpetuate that thought myself. I also realized that if being considered weaker or the underdog was going to occur, why not take that as a chance to show people up? I've shown up to races, hair in pigtail braids (less knotting this way, but it also makes me feel more girly), and been underestimated for what I can do. When it's over and I've beaten a lot of people, I smile all the way home.

I still have some of those old thoughts (I will never glisten! I'm a girl and I sweat, proudly), but I've learned to 1) care less what other think, and 2) learn that I can help shape how others think. I can be strong AND feminine any day of the week.

Febapple Frozen 50k Race Report

Been a while, eh? I haven't felt like writing, so I haven't forced myself. I had a great experience at my first 50k race yesterday, so I wanted write up a race report!

I was looking for a race to do as a bit of a test of my training before my 100 miler in April. I looked around for local races and when I found the NJ Trail Series was putting on the Febapple Frozen 50k, I found my race. I was able to persuade a running buddy, Jose, to attempt his first ultra by doing the race as well.

Up far too early, Jose and I drove the 2 hours to the race, picked up our bibs, and tried to relax before the race started. The course was a 10 mile loop, broken up into a 4 mile loop and a 6 mile loop, both with ended at the aid station/start line/finish line area. The area was covered in a thick layer of ice and I worried what this would mean for the race. We were here and I wasn't going home without finishing, so I just told myself to relax and have fun.

Jose and I right before the start

At 8 am, we were off! The first loop flew by, with a lot of the racers still close together. The 4 mile loop had a lot of technical sections with a smaller running path. The 6 mile loop had some wider sections, but also had the steepest downhill, which was essentially one giant icy death trap. I was ahead of Jose for a bit, but we caught up during the first 6 mile section on the first loop. He had already taken a bit of a tumble, but looked good.

The first lap flew and although I had to walk a lot of the sections and had a few near falls, I felt good! Going out for my second lap, I started to see more of the 50 milers, who had started an hour before us 50k runners. Not being a trail runner, I was a bit timid on the steeper and more technical downhills, especially when they were rocky, rooty, icy, and/or muddy. I was in awe seeing other runners glide down the hills with ease, looking like gazelles prancing down.

The second lap was a bit slower than my first (not shocking), but I felt pretty good. I was curious as to how Jose was doing and found him at the finish all bundled up. After taking a few tumbles (he was in the majority of the group who had some falls), he decided he was done for the day. I was bummed for him that he wasn't having a great day, but proud that he was honest with himself and knew that calling it early was smart. I felt eager to finish the third lap so we could head home!

Incredible half-frozen waterfall along the course. Glad Jose got a picture of it!

The third lap was my toughest, physically and mentally. I was alone nearly the entire first mini-lap and couldn't get into a good rhythm due to walking frequently due to hills or technical sections that slowed me down. Close to the end of this loop, I saw Phil, the RD to my 100 last summer. He was running the 50 miler and looked great! I was able to push myself to keep up with him until the lap ended and a bit of the last 6 mile section. I couldn't keep up, so we said bye, but it was nice to not be alone and catch up a bit.

The last 6 miles felt like they would never end and I knew I was cutting it close to my sub-7 hour goal. I pushed as much as I could and finished the course (which was 1.75 miles short) in 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 19 seconds. I knew I had to add on some more to make it an even 31 miles, so I took off on the first section of the 4 mile loop, which was mostly on roads. I was able to finish with a time of 6 hours, 59 minutes, and 34 seconds.

Me finishing on the icy finish! 

The race was really hard as it was muddy, slippery, icy, cold, and it was lightly raining the whole time. I'm really happy that I was able to finish and that today, my legs feel pretty good. I hope this bodes well for my 100 miler in just 9 short weeks!

2012 in Review

Where did this year go?! I really can't believe tomorrow will be 2013! I am excited to look back at what I was able to do this past year and can't wait for the excitement of next year!

To recap:

January - Stuck in a rut, I slowly built up for my February marathon
February - I raced the Surf City USA Marathon, appreciated my lack of diversity, visited Hawaii, and witnessed my best friend get married
March - Did a bunch of bootcamp workouts and registered for my first 100 miler! 
April - Tough mental times as I was burnt out and questioned being a real runner
May - Raced a 12 hour race and made Cashew Butter Cups
June - Raced and finished my first 100 miler!!!, ran the Color Me Rad 5k with friends the BF, and enjoyed new veggies with my CSA
July - Had fun at the Firefly Music Festival and went to my best friend's wedding celebration
August - Celebrated 5 years with my guy and his 25th birthday
September - Raced and PRed a half marathon
October - PRed the Marine Corps Marathon dressed as Minnie Mouse and opened up about my running playlist
November - PRed the Philadelphia Marathon dressed as a pirate!
December - Registered for my next 100 miler and incorporated yoga and Pilates into my routine

Miles run in 2012: 1,809

I also started a new job, baked a ton, attended a slew of concerts, laughed a lot with friends and family, and did my best to remember how lucky I am.

What are my goals for 2013?

• Run 2000 miles in 2013
• Participate in 13 races in the year
• Be better about saving money in order to do fun things, like travel!
• Incorporate non-running forms of exercise into my routine regularly
• Have fun and enjoy the really cool life I get to live

Anyone have any big plans for the next year? I hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year! 

Happy Holidays!

I'm enjoying my quick break at home, but just want to wish everyone a Happy Holidays! I've gotten to workout a bunch, including a beautiful 22 miler and my first BodyPump class ever. I also have enjoyed laying around on the couch, partaking in some vino, eating yummy holiday foods, and watching fun movies.

Hope everyone has a happy and healthy holiday!!

What I've Been Up To

Well hello there! With lots of new things happening, I haven't updated like I should have. That always happens, but I really would like to focus on posting more often. I enjoy looking back at what I've done and I enjoy having an outlet to write. So what's new with me?

• I started a new job! I realized that I wanted to work in social media, so I'm working for an agency in Philly working on their social media team. It wasn't an easy decision, but I had to take the chance. I also live within walking distance of the office, which has been amazing! I've gotten in much longer morning runs when I don't have to take the train to the suburbs to work. 
• I am switching which 100 miler I am going to run next spring. With my new job, I am going to avoid traveling due to costs, so I dropped the Umstead 100 miler. I'm sad as it was going to be a tough challenge for me, but I'm signed up now for the C&O Canal 100 miler instead! It's in MD, so I can stay with my mom and drive to the race, as opposed to flying, getting a hotel, and renting a car. I have another running friend doing this race, too, so I am getting really excited about it!
• With the 100 miler is now only about 19 weeks away, I have set up a training schedule for myself. As I have more time in the morning, I will be able to get in longer runs mid-week. I also am going to try to do back-to-back long runs on the weekends. I did it a bit training for my first ultras, but chickened out for the last few. I know it won't be easy, or fun, honestly, but I think it will help me with my 100!
• I'm working on bringing in other forms of fitness to my routine. I have a 10 punch card for a yoga studio in Center City that I need to use, so I've been going to yoga once a week. I can't say that I love it during the actual class, but I feel so relaxed and great after, I know I need to keep going. I also went to my first pilates class in, no exaggeration, probably 4 years. It was painful, but the hour flew and I adored it. I can't wait to go back!

I hope everyone else has been well! And just for a laugh, here's a (not so great) picture of my friend Matt and I before the Philadelphia Marathon. 

Matty Ice is THE MAN for dressing up in this and spectating the race.